Serious Thoughts

I am sitting at work with some serious thoughts. For starters, I do not want to be here. I don't think I will be working another Christmas. This has been a grueling year and I am ready to see it end. I didn't go all out for Christmas this year. Having to work really killed my spirit. I had some things to come up where I couldn't do the shopping that I wanted to. I usually surprise my girls big but this year, they got the things that they really wanted. I am a little disappointed with my family though. My mom will be up here in another two weeks and we agreed that she would bring the girls' presents up. She insisted that we meet halfway but I couldn't. The girls understood. Even though they did, I am still upset with myself. My dad and brother haven't said a thing about what they were going to do. I don't plan on going home anytime soon. My oldest will be turning 16 in two weeks. At first we were planning a coed sweet 16 but I was a little doubtful. She has settled for a Girls' Night. I don't know what I am going to get her. But I am going to make sure she has the best Girls' Night ever.

Lately, I have been dealing with a sorry DP. I have been wanting him to leave for the longest. After this last argument, it's going to become a reality AND I will be the one leaving. I don't know what makes him think I can't make it without him. For as long as I can remember, I have been the one to carry the household. The past few months, I have made him be more responsible and it's killing him. I don't have time to raise a grown man. He needs to high tail it back to his mom's where he wouldn't have to pay any bills.

I have been having feelings resurface for my youngest's dad. We have literally put each other through hell. He's mad because I won't forgive him of past child support. I told him that I wanted him back. I truly believe he's afraid to give us a second chance. He's not happy, I'm not happy. We have a history and things would be a lot better. I don't know. I am not going to chase him down NOR am I am going to be sitting around waiting on him either. We will see!!